Or: The slightly different Christmas story

I’ve been walking around the city all day.
It’s not easy for a twelve-year-old like me who decided to live without his parents and on the street. Certainly not in the case of snow.

And certainly not at Christmas.
Everywhere it glitters, everywhere it glows, everywhere it smells. The best place in such a day is the Christmas market around the city church: The sellers let a cocoa or a buck sausage jump on Christmas Eve if you put on the right, suffering view.

Earlier when I was an even smaller child we went to church more often on Christmas Day, especially on Christmas Eve. That was always great.
But we haven’t gone on for two or three years.
My father says he has no desire for church, it is always so stressful at Christmas anyway. He does not have to give himself the stress, for nothing and again nothing, as he says.
Well, I don’t care, I’m not going home anyway, they don’t miss me anyway…
If it’s clear what happened to me earlier, it’s blatant: I wanted to go to the city church to warm up a little. In addition, I used to find it so beautiful there, with the fir tree and all the candles, the beautiful, cheerful songs and the nativity play and such.
There’s the pastor at the door, looking down at me, and up again and down again and pushing me away from the front door…
“For such a dirty snotty angel like you, we have no place here today.”
Those were his words. And then he closed the door in front of me. Cheeky!

Sadly I sat down on the stairs in front of the door and wondered if there would be another place somewhere else where I could warm up now.
It had become really bitterly cold and the snow drifting was getting worse.
I stared at my broken shoes, pulled my legs up to me and tried to warm me. From the inside of the church now sounded like mockery the first notes of the Christmas band:
“You little children are coming…oh come all…to the nativity scene comes…in Bethlehem’s stable…”

Earlier when the choir sang this, I kind of liked the song better.
To make matters worse, the light over the door of the church went out… probably a switch-off motion detector. So I sat there like a bunch of misery and asked myself for the first time on this day what I was doing in this place, it was Christmas.
I felt a little like this one girl in the fairy tale that my mother used to read to me…something with matches and so…with the difference that I had no matches with me to warm me a little, not even a lighter.

Suddenly I meant to be able to see the moon in the sky behind the thick snowflakes, but then… it seemed to me more like the sun and at the same moment I felt very warm and slightly internal.
I was really confused, because the sun actually rises in the morning.
I got up and wanted to find out where this, always brighter and more cozy, light would come. I then saw something like a bright star sparkling and shining directly above one of the stalls on the church wall, where mulled wine had been sold at noon.

I was amazed and very cautiously a little closer. I rubbed my eyes and my nose too. The closer I got all the more I had the feeling it would smell like horse manure or something, but where?
It was really a little creepy I have to confess, even if I’m already twelve and I’m actually afraid of nothing. But my curiosity was greater than the horror factor and I went closer to the booth until I could see that any rioters had probably torn down the front of the stall to pour straw and manure into it…and put a donkey and a sheep in it?
No, that couldn’t be. Somehow the stall suddenly reminded me of the little nativity scene, which I had previously seen at the front of the altar of the city church and always thought so great…just somehow…ten times bigger!
Now I had to rub my eyes again, because I actually meant to see a man and a woman kneeling on a crib. And the light of what seemed to me like a star fell into exactly this nativity scene and became brighter and brighter!

I stood there, and then I did what every reasonable boy would have done in such a situation, which completely overwhelmed him: I cleared my throat, gathered everyone’s courage and asked, “Hello? Is there anyone there?”

Now it became really strange, because I felt that something like a warm hand would push me closer to the nativity scene from behind. I felt a voice around me that spoke to me and it was the most glorious and cordial voice I had ever heard. She said to me:
“Shalom, my beloved boy! Is there no room for you in the church?”

Contrary to your assumption, I did not panic, I was no longer afraid and somehow I was not confused but somehow no longer. I felt so much peace and joy in me as I had never experienced in my life.
But I hadn’t found my otherwise a little loud manner yet and so something stuttered like: “What…uka…how…he…are you…uh you, you, this…?”

And the same loving voice said to me again:
“Do not be afraid! It is I, Jesus Christ, the Son of Almighty God.
I came to you people in this world to deliver you from your sins.”

Despite all the confusion and astonishment, despite uncertainty and question marks in my face, I got insight and somehow I could grasp a clear thought and I asked, “Jesus? But if you didn’t have to be in this church, it’s Christmas!!!”
The answer now came with some delay and in this peaceful, glorious voice lay at once some sadness, no bitterness, but sadness:

“You know my beloved boy, it’s almost like 2000 world years again today. At that time I came into my world, I came to my property, but the world did not take me in.
I came into the dark as a light, but people preferred to stay in the dark.
Nowadays, people put so many things at the center of their lives and the center of the celebrations they say for me to celebrate that I just have no place in their hearts anymore…”

I was very terrified at the words that Jesus’ voice spoke to me and stood wordless before the manger!
“Come,” said the voice to me, “we want to go in together and I want to explain to you what I just told you.”
Suddenly I felt my hand resting on my left shoulder, which had already pushed me to the nativity scene earlier and my inner peace and the peace in me became even greater than before. I felt so light, almost like I was floating.

All of a sudden I was in the middle aisle of the church. I saw the band playing in front of the altar, where the nativity scene was otherwise set up. I saw the band play, but in my ears I heard something more like a quiet angel choir. The people in the rows of seats partially looked at the floor, which, but they looked forward, sometimes rocked very energetically with their heads. On the other hand, no one seemed to pay attention to me, I’m not even sure if people could even see me.

Now the voice, which I had identified as the warm voice of Jesus Christ, spoke to me again: “Look at my dear boy, I will now show you the hearts of men so that you can recognize them.”

I wondered what this could mean, but I understood very quickly when I looked around. When I drew my attention to a person, it was as if I could look inside, see what moved their hearts and literally heard what their thoughts were thinking.

There was a man who was perhaps as old as my father, on which my eyes were stuck and I looked into his heart and I saw his thoughts:
“Oh man, that I have to give myself this every year here with the church, hopefully this circus will be over soon. At home, I could already treat myself to a shot of whiskey that I will give myself afterwards…”

I saw a woman sitting next to him and looking into her heart.
“Heaven gives that Heinz does not give himself whiskey again afterwards. I hate it when he drinks, he will only be aggressive again… but drag me to this miserable service beforehand, this hypocrite!”

I felt grief rising inside me. My gaze wandered melancholy further and stuck to a little boy who kept his head slightly crooked. I looked at his heart and it thought,
“Well, the band is still cool, but I thought it was even cooler than we had here for Halloween the Harry Potter service. At least that was more realistic than this story they brought today.”

Harry Potter? Worship? A strange feeling came up in me. Was that true? What did Harry Potter have to do in church? I

In the back row sat completely in the corner an old lady, even older than my grandmother. She had lowered her head and her hands folded as if she were praying, but I looked into her heart and saw dark, accusatory thoughts:
“Jesus, born; peace, where? You took my husband in the war and left me alone with my children. And stupid as I am, I still go to church every week, even though I have not believed in a loving God for a long time.
Not even my children come to me with the grandchildren for Christmas, no one sees me, where is this love?”
I saw a tear running down her cheek and tears rose up inside me, because I felt so much bitterness in her thoughts, felt so much accusation…and I myself felt powerless.

At that moment I heard a clearing from the altar.
The pastor of the church had probably climbed to the pulpit. I looked forward to him and saw his heart and it permeated me at the same moment a cold shiver!
The heart said, “Now fast! It is a good thing that I was able to swipe the sermon together for ten minutes, is the same every year anyway and the people want to go to their roasts and I have to hold two other church services today.

If I had known before my studies that Christmas is so stressful… well, and it is scientifically not even proven that all this has happened that is in the Bible, after all, it is only a book that was written by people and people make mistakes. It is absurd to tell of a virgin birth, where the word for virgin can also be translated to young woman. But eyes to and through, all for the good feeling in the cold season, blessed be God.”

Was that really what the pastor was carrying in his heart?
I mean, I am only twelve years old, but I had understood that Jesus Christ is true, that he was born of the Virgin Mary… after all, he had just confirmed it to me.

After this experience, I closed my eyes, I didn’t want to see any more hearts and experience what these hearts think. The tears ran down my cheek.

“It’s good my beloved boy that you see what the hearts think.”
I heard the voice again with my eyes closed, this warm warm voice, I still heard the grief in it, but it was a warm sorrow, something like an understanding grief.

“Love among men is cold, but above all they are turning away from me, their God loving them. This makes me so infinitely sad because I love and will always love all people equally.
Unfortunately, people don’t want to know much about me anymore, they build on their own abilities, no longer believe that there is a Creator God, trust only science.
My boy, I knew even before the foundation of the earth that this would happen and believe me what you have seen is nothing in contrast to what I see in people’s hearts every day.”

Again, a pleasant warmth surrounded me while the voice was speaking and it felt very bright around me, although I had closed my eyes I could notice. I easily opened my eyes and found myself in the complete darkness; only a warm bright light was pointed at me like a spotlight. It felt like I was still in the church, I couldn’t see the people on the benches anymore.

There appeared in front of me suddenly and out of nowhere a mirror and I saw my own reflection, but in clean clothes, with brand new shoes on my feet and freshly styled.

“Now to you my beloved child,” I heard Jesus’ voice, still equally warm-hearted as before, say to me. I knew what was coming now.
“Now look into your own heart and tell me what you see!”

I reluctantly looked towards the mirror, I didn’t feel like I could resist… I had to look.
And I saw my heart! I couldn’t have a word over my lips.

“No, my beloved child, you don’t have to tell me what you see, I already know it, but I want to tell you what you see.”
I felt like I was looking at pervasive eyes, as pervasive as my father’s when he blamed me for the bad grades or the broken phone, only that the eyes that penetrated me now felt loving and merciful.

“My beloved child, do you know why your father no longer wants to go to church with you on Christmas Eve?
It’s broken by the pre-Christmas stress… which you’re making him!
Have you ever looked at your wish list?
I was lying in a feeding manger at the time and you would like to get the whole world on my birthday.
Your father works hard and tries to fulfill every wish, only unfortunately he is after work and his shopping trips for you, and by the way also for your mother, so done that he only wants to rest.

When was the last time you offered to help your parents prepare for the party?
When was the last time you complied with your parents’ requests to at least tidy up your room or walk the dog?
Look at you in the mirror: You don’t miss anything, and you’re not ready to do your part, but prefer to get out of your parents’ house one day before Christmas to…to actually do what exactly?”

I didn’t understand the situation anymore, I didn’t… I looked into my heart and was horrified. I felt well protected in the presence of Jesus’ voice, warm, surrounded by his love. And yet… yeah, I think he was holding me a timpani.

I can’t give you exactly what he said but it shook me in the marrow and leg and was so loving on the other hand…
He held the timpani right for me, I saw that and at that moment the heartfelt desire came up in me to run to my parents and to ask them for forgiveness for everything I have to do them good and help them.

In Sunday school, the aunt Katja once told us that there are commandments in the Ten:
I want you to honor your father and mother, I must have forgotten that.
A deep, deep feeling of guilt came up inside me and I looked around desperately.
Now the mirror was no longer there and the next moment the light went out, which just seemed to me. The pleasant warmth, however, remained.

I felt that something was given to me, in each hand an object and suddenly appeared in each of my hands, which I now held out in front of me a little light, like from a candle and when I had got used to the light of light again I saw that there were actually candles in my hands, each a, quite wonderful fragrant candle.

“My beloved child, it’s good that you want to go home.
It is good that you have seen the transgressions in your heart and regret them.
But it is also very good that you remembered the nativity scene in your city church at Christmas, which serves as a symbol of my Incarnation.
It’s good and wonderful that we’ve finally met in person.”

The warm and delicately pervading voice of Jesus now had something really solemn!
“I’m all for you to go home now, to your parents and do better than you did before. Would you like to promise me that today, you, my beloved child from the heart and forever?”

Oh, I would like nothing more than that to the Lord Jesus.
This encounter had shown me how needy I actually was and how little grown-up I am with my twelve years.
And even before I could smash Jesus a joyful >yes<, I noticed something like a kiss on my forehead and now only heard this wonderful voice like a quiet whispering:

“Do well my little swheet. I love you and will never leave you, and even if you may no longer hear me talking to you loudly, I always want to be with you, I am always with you when you let me.”

At that moment something pulled very massively on me and I was pulled away from the place where I was, still the smell of the burning candles in my hand in the nose. When I woke up I was lying on my bed, in brand new clothes, fresh and clean and hairdressed I felt and I heard the knocking on my nursery door getting more and more energetic.
“Aaron,” I heard my mother shout, “have you already fallen asleep again?
We wanted to go straight to the church for the Holy Evening service.
You know how much trouble I had to convince Dad that we were going back this year.”

I jumped up, still a little disoriented… was it all just a dream? Strangely enough, I still had the smell of the burning candles in my nose and when I looked around drunk I saw two brand new candles standing on my desk.
One with the inscription: › Merry Christmas my beloved mother and the other with the inscription ›For my beloved Christmas Grinch Dad‹.

I looked around again in my room, but everything else seemed as I knew it. Then I felt a very gentle pushing on my back, which pushed me to my room door and a pleasant feeling passed through me from top to bottom.
I started laughing and cried out, “I’m coming, I’m coming, and I have to tell you something great, you’ll never believe me in my life, which I have just experienced…”

After I had pressed the Christmas candles in my surprised mother’s hand and had put a kiss on my even more perplexed father on the cheek, brought the garbage down and with the dog a special round had actually gone for the first time in years on Christmas Eve with the whole family in the church.

And believe me, that evening I took a special look at the people and wished everyone I met a loud and very cheerful “Blessed Christmas.”

And I wish you the same thing!

Whatever was, what is, Jesus Christ has come for us in this, his, world.
He became man to reconcile to God.

Blessed be the eternal God who wants to share his love day after day, not only Christmas.